Crawlspaces by Kelly Lowe
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Yesterday, when I wasn't paying attention, you drew me into a private, forgotten place. I heard a song and found myself floored, face down and crying at your feet. Expectations had shattered and fallen like dust, that I would meet you again or that you would want me. I thought that I'd wandered, done nothing for you. I was afraid that loving you wasn't enough, and that serving you meant pounding a beat.        A picture suddenly flashed to my mind of medieval galley-drummer slaves. Wet with sweat, they hammered relentlessly, goading the rowers to frenzied action, on to ramming speed. I thought of myself, and chained musicians, leading worship from a gilded stage. Wet with sweat, we drive relentlessly, goading our brothers to frenzied action, to splinter a shuttered door and recover an elusive father. We pick up the pace, go longer and harder, and push and labor until we believe we've cracked and broken our way into heaven.        As I lay on the floor, surprised by you and filled with the immensity of your measureless love, I realized deeply that I was made to worship you, and that I am more at home with my face at your feet, than I've ever been at ramming speed. I can see now that the door into heaven stands forever open in the name of the Lamb. Your sacrificed blood stains the lintel and everfresh water overflows the threshhold. You stand at the door and beckon us to come quickly; you send out your servants to gather the lost and the poor and invite them to the lavish wedding feast you've prepared for everyone willing to pay without money. There you wait and watch our ignorant striving, and weep when we turn the world away with our own blind, panicked searching.        Someone had a dream that people were gathered in a big, beautiful room to worship the Lord, when suddenly a man entered and insisted they move down into the crawlspace under the house. The musicians tried to bring their instruments, but it was too cramped to play them comfortably. It was cold and dark, and the fear of spiders, rats and floods drove most of the worshippers away.        We writhe and we dance and we wave and we try, but we'll never see the door of heaven that stands open at your feet, until we put our faces to the earth, your footstool, and crawl through the door on our knees, where we worship in spirit and truth. Creator of all things, if you whisper to us, why do we think we must shout at you? Faraway Focus Too many conflicts mark my life Torn by too many people in too many ways A smaller scope, a tighter vision, A tiny look at a faraway time is better Than tremendous wants, stupendous dreams A vast, eternal tide of wild desires The ebb and flow always drags me down; It's so hard to stay up I plan and scheme to make it all fit But it doesn't get better, just harder I peer through the large end of a telescope At a small future and tiny figures moving I walk as I watch, and nothing grows nearer But if I stop and look around me With wide open eyes Too many colors fly at me Too many people grab on to me Too many things I think I want pull me Then I'm paralyzed and I never move And I never grow and I'll never get To the other end of the telescope Where another phase of my life begins Walk through this to get to the other A thousand years is as a day, so I'll run with a telescope pressed to my eye Toward a house not built with hands And see forever on the day of the Lord   Homogenized Maiden voyage to a deep dark Place hidden in a well of Mammoth proportions Cold feet shivering crunch On a pebble path in a darkling Wood under leaf canopies Climb from the night to the top Of the day in the light Spilling over the hill Stare in the sun, hot with fire Silhouette shot with silver Seared on a backdrop of golden flame Jump and wing like a bird Over wild waves crashing White and blue against jagged cliffs Dive in the black midnight sea To the bottom of the grave And breathe clear water Drown in fathomless eyes Fixed on a face set far away Beyond anyone's knowing Rise to the top and float Like cream to be poured out In the master's service Fool's Cry "O God of the Great Big, Mysterious Universe (power power give us power) "O Most Esteemed, High and Worthy, Exalted One Unsearchable (wisdom wisdom give us wisdom) "O Grand and Lofty Creator of All Things Above the Earth and Under the Earth" (love love give us love) What God? I don't have time to spend with you I've got too much to do No, get away! I'm not in the mood Don't touch me! Stay on your side of the bed "O Noble and Elevated, Unknowable High King of Heaven (power power give us power) "O Strong Right Arm of an Ancient People We Couldn't Care Less About (wisdom wisdom give us wisdom) "O Lifted Up, Enthroned, Unreachable Being Who Doesn't Know Us Let Alone Love Us and Probably Isn't Even Real, Just Made Up To Help Us Feel Better About Dying" (love love give us love) No, God, I told you I have a headache I feel fat and ugly Please don't try to get close to me Don't come near me; I'm really tired; I need a shower "O God, gimme gimme power "O God, gimme gimme wisdom "O God, gimme gimme love love love" But don't touch me with your hands Don't come near me with your lips Don't you put your spirit inside me Don't get close don't get close don't get close I'll only meet you in public places You In Me A strange wind is blowing A wild wine is flowing A fruitful vine is growing On and on we go Our minds are reeling We release the feeling The illusion of thinking We're in control On a narrow path With a narrow scope Our back to fear Our face to hope Here we go We crawl 'round the corner It's a mystery What will we see? Shhh….. oh! you in me Not Your Ways Why do I feel such peace When my wounds are bleeding fresh? Why does my spirit trust you When you're pulling at my flesh? Planting gardens in the desert Digging wells, deep in the sand Raising strong and holy children In the palm of my right hand Stirring high and holy passions In the middle of defeat Razing walls that serve as prisons Breaking chains to free your feet Oh Lord A humble heart our offering And suffering, we learn to sing Shaken and Stirred Do you ever cave in to terror And let the fear escape that Most of the time, lies locked away Like a child molester? Do you ever lay on your bed And stuff your blanket in your Mouth, so you can scream out loud Without making a sound? Do you ever ache with desire For a friend who can give more than Take, and who wants to hear Your unspoken thoughts? So do I. This is the human condition: Loneliness and pain This is the spirit solution: One drop me One drop you Add living water Stir it up Drink this cup     fisher my spinning mind turntable of sin and evil thoughts who let those in to this holy vessel watch out they hit me hard one look back and I fall in a whirlpool in a cistern in the desert I didn't see who pushed me in but Someone please… fish me out   Return Where am I going? Going back To where? To the place you first began But, why? If you want to stay in the race you run, you Return to the place where you started from But, I've already been there! Yes, that's true But, I've come so far! You think so? Do You know where you are? Uh, not really, no Then you turn and you go where you're Sure that you know I'm a little lost That's why I'm here I was hurt back there, beat black and blue Give me one good reason to listen to you Bruises make tender spots to remember and Scars map roads to dangerous places Bleeding hearts and wounded souls are Fertile ground where cedars grow I don't understand You will in time I don't know my way! 'Cause you're tired, and blind You've walked in the dark on an uphill climb Now, turn around Let me see your face Let the warm sunshine be my embrace Let me wash your soul with my gentle rain I loved you once, and I will again Little one, little one Lord, I see you true My only way to life is you Choice Purity and light Light and life and love Love that sings a new song Entreating, as a dove Dove's soft, ageless eyes Eyes that burn with fire Fire that warms a stony heart Awaking dead desire Desire, now fulfilled Fulfillment found in one One who sees our beating hearts And seals them in his son Son of God's own life Life that redeems man Man, whose very air is God Must breathe him, while he can Light and life and love Love's life given free Free to all, whose faces, raised Will yield on humble knee Flee to God and live Live for Him and find Peace, upsurging, like a flood To wash the fevered mind
Copyright 2002 by Kelly Lowe
	List of Titles   Crawlspaces Faraway Focus Homogenized Fool's Cry You In Me Not Your Ways Shaken and Stirred fisher Return Choice

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